You Work Hard Enough!
For a moment, pause and see how this idea lands with you. Too many therapists work incredibly hard and yet can feel like they are not doing enough. On top of this, we end up working harder in ways that we don’t need to or that are downright counter-productive, and we often don’t even realize it.
We are each living, breathing organisms. Our brains and our bodies need careful management and attention to function at our best, feel good, do our best work, and live the lives we most want.
Here are five ways I’ve noticed therapists “working too hard”. As you read through, notice what resonates and what makes you curious. See if there is one way that you might be interested in making some change for yourself.
1. Holding Your Breath In Sessions
You might not realize that you’re doing it, but you might be holding or constricting your breath in client sessions. For me, this happens when I am feeling uncertain, when my client’s breath is held or shallow and I’m not consciously aware of it but I’m picking it up somatically, when I’m distracted or worried about something else going on in my life, or when I’m just plain tired and not paying as much attention to my own needs.
Holding our breath means that we have tension in our bodies. Our energy is being zapped by that tension and isn’t being put to its best use. And it may pull us into a more dysregulated, hyperaroused state making us less available for the work.
If we can develop the practice of checking in with our breathing before, during and after sessions, this helps us to regulate our energy, feel more present, take care of our bodies, and be more attuned to our clients’ experience.
2. Carrying the Tension of “Shoulds”
Many (most?) therapists I know, including me, carry tension related to the underlying messages and pressures we have that tell us we “should know what we’re doing” or “should be able to help this person more” or “should have figured this out by now”. There are many variations of these limiting beliefs!
Again, tension means we’re spending energy where it’s not giving us the most benefit and these “shoulds” are not only exhausting mentally and emotionally, but they take a toll on our nervous systems and our bodies. They have us “leaning in” and “doing more”.
Tracking our tension, and our tendency to literally lean forward with a sense of pressure or urgency can help us to get curious about what’s happening for us. We can explore ways to soften or let go of some of these “shoulds”, helping us to relax back and increase our capacity to be present and more effective with our clients.
3. Not Paying Enough Attention to Your Own Body
We’re busy, we’re paying attention to our clients, we’re taking care of a lot of things. We drop into deep presence and attunement with our clients during sessions. But what about us? Are we noticing when we’re thirsty, hungry, tired, feeling heavy from an intense session, or needing a break from thinking? Are we acting on this information? Do we not only give ourselves permission, but recognize how essential it is to take care of ourselves?
When we’re neglecting our own needs, we become less embodied, less energized, and again, less present – for ourselves, our families and loved ones, and our clients too. This isn’t sustainable and can lead to dissatisfaction and burnout.
Taking steps toward creative and in-depth self-nurturing can lead to zest and vitality. Self-care can serve not just as a respite, but as a crucial component of our work. Start just by paying attention to your body’s signals. See if you can get curious about what you need and how to how you might take some action to get it. Can you be more intentional with your breath, shifting your posture, taking breaks, getting outside, or taking an extra five minutes to tend to yourself and your body after a painful session?
4. Running Over Time in Sessions
How is this a way that we work too hard? Well, let’s do some math. Running over 10 minutes of session time is 10 minutes that are not available for other things. Do this twice a day and that’s 20 minutes. Have 5-6 sessions and run over by 5 minutes each, that’s 25-30 minutes. Even if it’s only 3 sessions that run 5 minutes long, that’s 15 minutes a day and 75 minutes a week! Of YOUR time lost. Let’s say it’s only 15 minutes total a week. Are there things you’ve been wanting to find time for that 15 minutes would make a dent in? (hint, read #3 above)
Some therapists rarely run over session time, some more frequently, and some routinely. It is common to have some clients that we tend to run over time with more than others. Clients process things in their own ways and this means we need to manage time differently for each of our clients. Sometimes we want to do more with session time than is realistic. We can get a little lost when stuff comes up in the middle or at the end of sessions that pulls for more time and attention. There are many reasons it can be hard to contain session timeframes.
If we can recognize that we’re putting more time (and energy) into sessions than scheduled that’s a great start. Self-compassion helps us to appreciate that this is a tricky and challenging element of therapy to manage. Then we can get curious about how to reclaim that time. We might need some pragmatic tactics or some support from colleagues, a supervisor or consultant, or our own therapy.
5. Being TOO Professional
Therapists can get into patterns of being spread too thin, questioning the validity of their own self-care needs, and loosening boundaries that they would prefer to uphold, all in the name of “being professional”. And while I’m not going to go into to here, problematic cultural norms feed this dynamic and create more pressure. “Being professional” is often a vague or ill-defined idea that also carries a lot of “shoulds” and tension (see #2 above).
Ever feel guilty about not shifting your schedule when a client requests a change or taking a day off with relatively short notice? What if it’s actually ok to do this? What if it’s not unprofessional? Taking a day off with relatively short notice occasionally is very different than doing it all the time. Sticking to a schedule that works for you and your family is a valid and valuable boundary. But these choices can be hard to sort out. For some therapists, even thinking about these dilemmas creates a lot of work and decision-making fatigue.
When we notice that we are worried about being “unprofessional” we can ask ourselves what’s behind this feeling. Is it a real concern that merits some consideration? Or is it coming from our own underlying beliefs and habits or from workplace or cultural pressure? If it’s a real concern, then it’s valuable to dig into how to approach the issue. If it’s pressure or “shoulds”, perhaps there’s a way to be curious and creative about letting that stuff go and investing in our own well-being.
Working Better Instead of Harder
Now that you’ve read through this list of five ways you might be working too hard, can you pause again and notice what stands out for you? Is there something here that you relate to and might want to do differently moving forward? Maybe there’s even something else that you’ve thought of that’s not on the list.
Working better might mean working less or it might mean working differently, or it might mean rethinking what work even is. Do you have a sense of what you might want to do to move away from working too hard and instead find ways to work better?
I’d love to help you learn how to work in ways that are nurturing and effective!
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© 2024 Annabelle Coote
This article is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not to be considered as legal, ethical, clinical, health or any other business or clinical practice advice related to your work as a therapist.