Respecting resistance as a first step to body awareness.
As therapists, the way we relate to the messages from our own bodies shapes the ways we support our clients learning to listen to their own bodies.
Paying Attention
I feel the breeze coming through the open door. It’s soothing on my skin, and I enjoy the sound of the curtains rustling. My enjoyment tells me something nice is happening and I relax a little.
I hear the whirr of a gust of wind and the door closes. Immediately I’m frustrated. My face tightens and my chest tenses. I think, “Can’t I just have a few pleasant moments without interruption?”
The irritation is about so much more than the door shutting. It’s a build up from several sources of uncertainty and discomfort I’ve been feeling all day.
My old go-to would be to get even more irritated about being irritated in the first place. I’d say something to myself like, “What’s wrong with you? Why are you having such an overblown reaction?”
But I’m learning to communicate differently with myself. Today, I can say, “Ah, it’s been a bit rough, huh?” Bringing some kindness and curiosity to myself, I can relate to my experience differently. I can slow down and listen to myself and my body.
Noticing the Layers, Respecting the Resistance
When I pay attention to the tension in my face and torso, I notice there is pressure under the tightness, a feeling of restless energy that moves from the center of my chest up to my throat. I can feel how it is related to some of the worries I’m carrying about situations that I have little or no control over.
Listening to myself this way is something I’ve come to appreciate. I feel more connected to myself and I have more options for taking care of myself when I’m sad, stressed, angry, or otherwise upset.
It’s become natural to put a hand on my heart or pause and stop doing what I’m doing. I might take a moment to stand up, or move my body, get outside, get a drink or something to eat, call someone who loves me.
However, I also I respect the parts of me that don’t want to feel vulnerable or deal with certain emotions. In many ways I’d much rather feel irritated or angry than sad, scared or uncertain. These “softer” emotions can feel more threatening to me, and I’ve historically had a harder time tolerating the tender pain that goes with them.
So, I’ve had plenty of experience with ignoring what my body is saying because I either just didn’t want to hear it, or I just didn’t want to deal with it.
A few of my go to’s: intellectualizing, distraction, working too hard, pushing through pain or discomfort, anger that is more of a show than a real emotion, exaggerated distress that helps me avoid the underlying emotion, focusing on helping others (any other therapists relate to this?)
Different Emotions, Different Sensations
Sensations and body experiences go along with emotions, whether we’re aware of the connection or not. We all have emotions that we prefer and those we’d rather avoid. Which means we also have body experiences we are more comfortable with and those we try to stay away from.
One person might be more at ease feeling sadness, a lump in their throat, and quivering in their chest while steering clear of anger, balled fists, and big energetic movement.
Someone else might find anger more acceptable and experience it as a wave of heat or a pulsing in the belly but try to stay away from feeling sorrow or heartbreak and the accompanying queasiness or constriction in their chest.
Some people feel so overwhelmed by emotion or sensation that they have no idea how to pay attention to it without extreme distress. Others cope by disconnecting as much as possible from emotions, sensations, or anything that might possibly be felt in the body.
When emotions and sensations are large or loud or painful, when they are based in anxiety or trauma, when they don’t feel safe, when they are confusing or unpredictable, when someone doesn’t know what to do with them or how to make sense of them, it easily follows that a person wouldn’t want to listen to them.
It still makes sense that we want to avoid them even when the experience is much less extreme. Our nervous systems are primed to stay away from pain and seek comfort. When our emotions and sensations feel like too much, we each have a whole host of ways to do anything but pay attention to them.
An Important Starting Point for Listening to the Body
As a somatic therapist, I want to help my clients learn to listen to their bodies, realize there is wisdom there, and begin to communicate with themselves differently. I know how incredibly transformative that can be.
However, I also know that if I don’t understand, respect, and honor that my clients may have many good reasons for not wanting to listen to their bodies, I’m not going to be helpful in getting them to even want to try it out.
If what clients hear from their bodies are messages like, “You’re not safe”, or “This is too painful to handle”, or “It’s not okay to stop and rest”, who wants to hear that?! Or if what they hear and feel is totally unintelligible, it’s like being dropped in a foreign country without knowing the language.
If we start with a deep appreciation for how difficult it might be for our clients to start listening to their bodies, then we can slowly and gradually work on helping clients to shift their relationship with themselves. We can help them to discover that discomfort in their bodies, a racing heart, tension in their shoulders, or a pit in their gut just might be something worth getting curious about.
Clients can begin to learn that a hollow feeling in their throat means they are hungry, or a buzzy feeling of energy means they need to rest, or their clenched fists means someone has disrespected their boundaries.
When they can start to respond to this information differently by having a snack or taking a break or saying no to the extra work, they get to feel the benefits: relaxation, a calm warmth in their chest, or feeling taller and stronger. This process can become empowering instead of scary.
Learning to listen to our bodies is learning a whole new language. It can be intriguing, daunting, exciting, scary, adventurous, intimidating, life-changing.
© 2025 Annabelle Coote
This content is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It should not be considered therapeutic, clinical, health, professional practice, business, or legal advice.
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